Posted by: Shaun | February 22, 2008

World News Weekly-2.22.08

Preface & Acknowledgments

Before introducing this segment, I would extend my gratitude to the man who made it possible: Justin Young. Justin is responsible for pulling me into all of my journalistic endeavors dating back to a staff position on my high school newspaper. It was his idea for me to do a weekly world news round-up on his blog, Media Bitchfest, which, sadly, is now “frozen in carbonite.” Mr. Young’s work lives on at the excellent where you can learn everything you always wanted to know but were afraid to ask about the magic industry. The point is, I wouldn’t be putting my pointless thoughts on digital paper, and I certainly wouldn’t be writing World News Weekly, if it were not for Justin Young. So I must give credit where credit is due: mad props, homie, mad props.

A Living Obituary


It was a difficult week to single out one international headline for attention in WNW with elections, secessions, exploding satellites, and all manner of other things making news around the world. However, having grown up in South Florida and being a student of history, I couldn’t help but go with a bombshell that was dropped in the Caribbean but went on to shock the globe: Fidelito is out. Granted, it wasn’t exactly difficult to see it coming. Last year Castro “temporarily” ceded power to his brother Raul after undergoing intestinal surgery, prompting a global media deathwatch with its attendant talk of a “new dawn” for Cuba.

Even so, the idea that Fidel Castro, the dictator, the bane of every U.S. president since Eisenhower, is actually stepping down after 49 years in power certainly is striking. The fatigue-donning dynamo that came charging out of the Sierra Maestra to fan the flames of revolution from Nicaragua to Angola and threaten the very heart of Yanquí Imperialism itself is moving on. Castro says he will take it easy from now on, fighting capitalism through his periodic essays published in Cuba’s state press. Doubtless he will remain enormously influential in Cuba’s communist party, but his daily management of the country’s affairs has ceased and an era is at an end.

Never again will Castro set quotas for sugar production in a five year plan, nor order mass arrests of “sexual deviants”, nor even feel the joy of dispatching an informant with a single bullet to the base of the skull. Pobrecito…adios, Señor Presidente.

News & Notes

  • Whoa, Belgrade! Hannah Montana tickets are available at the Czech Embassy down the street.
  • Pakistani electorate draws inspiration from Neil Simon play, sends message to Musharaff: “Suck it.
  • U.S. President hopes to repeat the success of Bush and Bush’s Big Score with release of Bush in Africa.
  • $2,426.75 in quarters invested in “Missile Command” finally pay off U.S. Navy ensign


  1. John McCain joked today that it would please him if Fidel soon meets his ideological forefather Karl Marx. Some other people Fidel will meet:

    – Your childhood pet
    – A shitty Mitch Albom book (five times)
    – John McCain’s ability to life his hands above his head

    World News Weekly is dead. Long live World News Weekly!

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